“The center of my being, is she…
My lovely lady bits have been quite the cause of some trouble and blessings…
She was my own personal play thing until the age of 16, when another form of play was found.
Girls, boys and toys each had their share, until her primal design was put to use, when, three times, my singularly unique vagina brought my children into the world.
Her narrow canal being stretched and pulled to unimaginable shapes and sizes, only to remarkably snap back to true form.
She has been the cause of envy, temptation and desire with many questing after her and the body to which she belongs. She has stretched her tendrils into my mind and whispered gently in my ear willing me to travel to faraway places in the quest of satisfaction.
Jealousy over the desire shown by others caused a breakdown in a long term relationship, but freedom was gained, and my oh my, did she drink from the overflowing cup of attention.
Through boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, a marriage and several swinging sessions, she has never let me down.
She has kept all my secrets. She has been my honest center of feeling. She never lies about whom I love or desire.
I am a Mother, a Lover and a Girlfriend. She will never leave me. She will always please me. We know each other so well.
She is beautiful, special and there will never be another like her.”
“sweetness and light, all my gushing hormotional rage torrents a thick anarchic mess and smoke of a billion scooters buzzing down the highways upon roads upon freeways upon carparks upon billboards and seemingly endless noise.
abrupt, immediate and helpful smiley nurses spread me out on a table. intense gazing genius and passionate eyes penetrating deep into my cunt, here I am once again, metal objects sliding in and out, nurses contorting my scarred sensitive glandular bits in an acrobatic performance like you couldnt imagine, cameras flashing from all angles, haphazardly plappin my clitoris in a funny way I laugh and smile and aaaaall my privacy feelings float out the window and the desensitized life sets back in.
here beautiful people of all sorts of body shapes and forms and beauty dance a dance politely as possible to avoid the masses of swollen flesh and severed nerve endings from erupting the mother load of pain they slowly and surely grow to love because, well, you gotta love your body, right?
vagina boy removed a bunch of over sensitive tissue between my vag and my urethra. i was awake the whole procedure… it was bizarre… a beautiful girl called jib who has massive calm in the stroke of your hand and glittery colourful eye colour poking through her mask stood close to me. she took care of my make cunt numb treatment earlier, she spread me out and slopped gunk in my slit and sealed me up with this liner type thingo. once i was in the operating theatre vagina boy did lots n lots of extra make cunt numb injections, and before I knew it, it was all business haha. i didn’t cry! yay. i didn’t cough. i lay there calm, focused completely on my heart beating and my lungs expanding as calmly to deflate to a relaxing calm zone of zen. i don’t know how long I was in there with my feet tied up high above my body, but it was hard to keep my extremities from going completely to sleep!
so. i survived.
time to chuck shitloads of antibiotics and various pills, visualise the magical process of healing cell by cell by cell. fuck i wish i could climb up on the roof and watch the big tropical storms splatter and flash lightening out on the ocean, all expanse and blowing humidity into my face n shit.
having a leaky eyes-drop-in-bowl fulls type moment… see, before i left australia i got blood and endocrine doctor boy to cut my guts and shove valerate pellets into my flesh, and turns out i agreed for him to use 200mg worth… Which is a considerable amount more than my hormonal receptors are accustomed to handle. So, I’ve been crying and crying my face has been leaking plaploads plappin plap, plonk!
by the time i was in my twenties self-guided, self-funded medical cost became a proud burden for me, seemingly unimaginable to friendly feminine souls but completely respected and understood somewhat. many years of hurt and confusion working long weeks in labour intensive jobs, my flesh and i endured, and we now live a fulfilled life, free, stimulating, ridiculous, celebrated, lumpy and scarred often appreciated.
a beautiful moment of clarity of thought and sweetness. sun up cunt. DAILY! yup. things are pretty freakin amazing.
one day at a time.”
26th May 2011
Today is the day that my baby is due, as I sit here and ponder, process, purge, cry, laugh, reminisce and prepare for her very eminent birth I also take some time to appreciate my vagina for it is about to undertake a very big task.
My vagina has gone by many names as well as served many purposes, I have always appreciated it, loved it and been filled with gratitude for the pleasure, pain and other sensations it has provided me with over the years. I have allowed it to be abused by myself and others but I have also paid great homage to the temple of my vagina. I have always loved its responsiveness and its never-ending variety of textures - providing a multitude of sensations. I used to love the way it looked in all its complete naturalness of being. However, things are pretty different down yonder these days, for starters, I can’t even see it!
I never would have imagined the changes that my vagina has undergone during my pregnancy, the sheer expansiveness that my vagina has expressed during my pregnancy is incredible. I had no idea that it would grow thicker, be at least twice as large as it used to be, be engorged with blood and be something that I can hardly recognise as my own sweet vagina. My vagina in some ways is not mine at the moment, my child has taken it over as her own portal and has morphed it into a swollen cushion to soften her soon-to-be grand entrance into the world. It has taken me a few months to not feel ashamed of it, to accept it and to get used to my ever-growing mound of Venus. I am blown away by the ability of my body to facilitate all manifestations of being a woman.
I wonder if it will return to how it used to look and feel after I give birth or is this my new vagina - fleshy, full and a monument to motherhood.
I honour my morphing vagina…and look forward to the next incarnation that it takes on.