“sweetness and light, all my gushing hormotional rage torrents a thick anarchic mess and smoke of a billion scooters buzzing down the highways upon roads upon freeways upon carparks upon billboards and seemingly endless noise.
abrupt, immediate and helpful smiley nurses spread me out on a table. intense gazing genius and passionate eyes penetrating deep into my cunt, here I am once again, metal objects sliding in and out, nurses contorting my scarred sensitive glandular bits in an acrobatic performance like you couldnt imagine, cameras flashing from all angles, haphazardly plappin my clitoris in a funny way I laugh and smile and aaaaall my privacy feelings float out the window and the desensitized life sets back in.
here beautiful people of all sorts of body shapes and forms and beauty dance a dance politely as possible to avoid the masses of swollen flesh and severed nerve endings from erupting the mother load of pain they slowly and surely grow to love because, well, you gotta love your body, right?
vagina boy removed a bunch of over sensitive tissue between my vag and my urethra. i was awake the whole procedure… it was bizarre… a beautiful girl called jib who has massive calm in the stroke of your hand and glittery colourful eye colour poking through her mask stood close to me. she took care of my make cunt numb treatment earlier, she spread me out and slopped gunk in my slit and sealed me up with this liner type thingo. once i was in the operating theatre vagina boy did lots n lots of extra make cunt numb injections, and before I knew it, it was all business haha. i didn’t cry! yay. i didn’t cough. i lay there calm, focused completely on my heart beating and my lungs expanding as calmly to deflate to a relaxing calm zone of zen. i don’t know how long I was in there with my feet tied up high above my body, but it was hard to keep my extremities from going completely to sleep!
so. i survived.
time to chuck shitloads of antibiotics and various pills, visualise the magical process of healing cell by cell by cell. fuck i wish i could climb up on the roof and watch the big tropical storms splatter and flash lightening out on the ocean, all expanse and blowing humidity into my face n shit.
having a leaky eyes-drop-in-bowl fulls type moment… see, before i left australia i got blood and endocrine doctor boy to cut my guts and shove valerate pellets into my flesh, and turns out i agreed for him to use 200mg worth… Which is a considerable amount more than my hormonal receptors are accustomed to handle. So, I’ve been crying and crying my face has been leaking plaploads plappin plap, plonk!
by the time i was in my twenties self-guided, self-funded medical cost became a proud burden for me, seemingly unimaginable to friendly feminine souls but completely respected and understood somewhat. many years of hurt and confusion working long weeks in labour intensive jobs, my flesh and i endured, and we now live a fulfilled life, free, stimulating, ridiculous, celebrated, lumpy and scarred often appreciated.
a beautiful moment of clarity of thought and sweetness. sun up cunt. DAILY! yup. things are pretty freakin amazing.
one day at a time.”