“sweetness and light, all my gushing hormotional rage torrents a thick anarchic mess and smoke of a billion scooters buzzing down the highways upon roads upon freeways upon carparks upon billboards and seemingly endless noise.
abrupt, immediate and helpful smiley nurses spread me out on a table. intense gazing genius and passionate eyes penetrating deep into my cunt, here I am once again, metal objects sliding in and out, nurses contorting my scarred sensitive glandular bits in an acrobatic performance like you couldnt imagine, cameras flashing from all angles, haphazardly plappin my clitoris in a funny way I laugh and smile and aaaaall my privacy feelings float out the window and the desensitized life sets back in.
here beautiful people of all sorts of body shapes and forms and beauty dance a dance politely as possible to avoid the masses of swollen flesh and severed nerve endings from erupting the mother load of pain they slowly and surely grow to love because, well, you gotta love your body, right?
vagina boy removed a bunch of over sensitive tissue between my vag and my urethra. i was awake the whole procedure… it was bizarre… a beautiful girl called jib who has massive calm in the stroke of your hand and glittery colourful eye colour poking through her mask stood close to me. she took care of my make cunt numb treatment earlier, she spread me out and slopped gunk in my slit and sealed me up with this liner type thingo. once i was in the operating theatre vagina boy did lots n lots of extra make cunt numb injections, and before I knew it, it was all business haha. i didn’t cry! yay. i didn’t cough. i lay there calm, focused completely on my heart beating and my lungs expanding as calmly to deflate to a relaxing calm zone of zen. i don’t know how long I was in there with my feet tied up high above my body, but it was hard to keep my extremities from going completely to sleep!
so. i survived.
time to chuck shitloads of antibiotics and various pills, visualise the magical process of healing cell by cell by cell. fuck i wish i could climb up on the roof and watch the big tropical storms splatter and flash lightening out on the ocean, all expanse and blowing humidity into my face n shit.
having a leaky eyes-drop-in-bowl fulls type moment… see, before i left australia i got blood and endocrine doctor boy to cut my guts and shove valerate pellets into my flesh, and turns out i agreed for him to use 200mg worth… Which is a considerable amount more than my hormonal receptors are accustomed to handle. So, I’ve been crying and crying my face has been leaking plaploads plappin plap, plonk!
by the time i was in my twenties self-guided, self-funded medical cost became a proud burden for me, seemingly unimaginable to friendly feminine souls but completely respected and understood somewhat. many years of hurt and confusion working long weeks in labour intensive jobs, my flesh and i endured, and we now live a fulfilled life, free, stimulating, ridiculous, celebrated, lumpy and scarred often appreciated.
a beautiful moment of clarity of thought and sweetness. sun up cunt. DAILY! yup. things are pretty freakin amazing.
one day at a time.”
Wow, I saw the Vagina Monologues in London back in 2005, so I can understand why the show inspired you. Fantastic!
The ‘101vagina’ project got me thinking – what a good relationship I have with mine. That I’ve only ever had caring and sensitive lovers (and only very kind doctors that I truly trusted), who have treated mine with great respect. Probably because I wouldn’t allow anythings less :-)
When I was in my early 20s, out having drinks with my 3 closest girlfriends (2 of which were lesbians, one of which was bisexual – so we were a bit more ‘liberal thinking’ than most girls), my best friend commented that she thought her clitoris was very long! Another friend admitted that she had ‘large inner labia lips’ (but loved them), and I commented quite candidly – that I’d only recently discovered- one of mine was much longer than the other! We all decided in the end, to get together and compare!! (The things you do after a few cocktails, LOL!)
It was a really amazing experience to see other women’s vaginas – in all their unique detail. You can’t help but notice the many little differences. I think we all felt quite awed (and privileged) to share such a naturally curious and intimate experience. Woman normally just don’t ever see other women’s privates (except in silly soft porn images, which are so unreal it’s just plain ridiculous).
It was then that I realised … our vaginas are as diverse as our faces! Small/big noses, thin/thick lips, pink/tan/brown colouring, soft/wiry hair, etc. And I suddenly appreciated that my own vagina was perfecty fine, exactly as it was :-)
I think the more art & film projects that show ‘real’ women’s bodies, and just how wonderfully different we are, the more educated and empowered women become – ie. confident girlfriends/wives, and strong mothers – and it makes the world a more supportive, concsious, loving place to be.
(Email published with sender’s permission)
“I’ve always liked my vagina and its ability to bring me pleasure, but I haven’t always embraced it. In my first years of sexual activity, I was embarrassed by its smell and would lather it in perfumed moisturiser before getting into bed with my boyfriend. Eventually, he asked me why I did this. When I explained my self-consciousness, he in turn explained that he liked the smell; it turned him on, big time. This was a revelation to me. Lesson: my vagina smells good.
Another revelation came on the big screen, thanks to an on camera tour by a gynaecologist. He was performing a colposcopy (removal of abnormal cells from the cervix) and offered to “give me a tour.” I agreed. He used the colposcope (a camera), to magnify my vagina and project it like a strange pink flower onto the television screen overhead. He did close-ups on the hood of my clitoris, my clitoris, my labia majora and minor, the vulva and the vagina itself. I was mortified – my vagina, blown up on TV! – but the two female nurses just looked bored. Lesson: my vagina is no big deal.”